Hilarious stuff my daughter says to me:
This is on the heels of our dinner conversation where my son asked if there was any health reasons to avoid cannibalism and my family responded that 1) humans are full of human diseases and 2) apex predators accumulate toxins. So my daughter helpfully suggested it’d be okay to eat vegetarians. That’s not alarming at all, right?
As for today. She relayed the story about getting a phone call when she was alone at the ice rink so she vaulted over a gate that she never bothered to open when no one could see her. It was security. They could see her on camera and made the call to prank her. Then she talked about hopping over a 7 foot fence so she could weed a (closed) public garden for hours, but the security guard who caught her doing so was the former landscaper for the garden and thought she was an official volunteer until she confessed otherwise.
Then a quick story about the time she almost got a grown man to throw himself face first into the ground because pretending to fall and catching herself in a plank is a trick she’d been practicing.
But the real kicker was just an off comment. She talked about skipping in public and being asked why she was so happy? No real reason, she said she’d just gotten off work. And they said, “wow, work must be awful if you’re so happy to leave.” And her casual, imaginary, reply was “Oh, it’s not bad, but I have to stop eating out of the trash.” This was said in such a deadpan manner. As if ‘stop eating out the trash’ was one of those personal goals she had set for herself in a performance review. Like ‘eating out of the trash’ was just too tempting and while her supervisor had spoken to her about it, she just couldn’t quite resist the temptation yet. I lost it. Her attempts to explain why it was really okay just made it worse.
