Sometimes I have trouble not answering questions literally even when a literal answer is not what is wanted.
When living in Albuquerque in my 20s I needed to go to the courthouse and at the time I was riding my bicycle a lot so I’d ridden it to the courthouse that day. As I’m passing through security I tossed my keys and and allen wrench into the basket as I went through the scanner.
The guard looks suspiciously at the allen key but doesn’t touch it.
Guard: “What’s this?”
Is he punking me? Who doesn’t know what an allen key is.
Me: “It’s an allen key?”
He’s not happy with that answer and is a little annoyed.
Guard: “Is it a weapon?”
Really? How can he not know what this is? Maybe the problem is the word ‘key’. I’ll call it a wrench and that will definitely clear this up. This is a mistake. I should have said ‘it’s not a weapon’ but I was a little hung up on explaining what it was to go for what it was not.
Me: “It’s an allen wrench.”
Nope. He’s frustrated that I’m not giving him the kind of answer he wants.
Guard (exasperated): “Can you hurt someone with it?”
Huh. Well that’s a different question. It’s a solid object so yes, I could technically hurt someone with it. Don’t say that. But now it’s become a puzzle to solve, how could I use an allen wrench as a weapon? Could I take it and jab it into an eye? Don’t say that either. Maybe I could kill someone with a ballpoint pen! I’m pretty sure I’ve seen that in a movie. Again, don’t say that out loud. I haven’t said it, right? Good. Why ask this question? Aren’t there any number of other things inside that could be used as weapons? How about a chair or a lamp? A true warrior is never disarmed until the room is empty! Nope, don’t say that.
There’s an uncomfortably long pause while all these scenarios run through my head. I need a better answer. One that doesn’t get me tackled.
Me: “It’s a wrench. I could unscrew something?”
He makes a sort of scoffing grunt and stares at me a bit longer before letting me through security.
Too funny.